One year ago today I left work and started my 45 minute drive home. For me 45 minutes is a long time to be in the car alone. Most of the time i recapped my day, had a dance party, talked to God, etc. (thankfully zippy has tinted windows😂) this day was a little different, I turned on my Christian jam playlist & was having pretty mellow drive when a thought kept coming into my head “stop and get a pregnancy test.” I legit told myself "Taylor shut up" and tried to think about other things but that kept pushing everything else out.
Back up to January 2019, Levi and I host a bible study group in our home every week. One week a couple days after our bible study, I got a text asking if some people could stop by the house. Later that evening several people from our bible study showed up and asked if they could pray over Levi and I. They said they didn’t know why but it had been on their hearts to do so. We sat in our living room while several of our closest friends laid their hands on us and prayed. What they didn’t know is a few months earlier Levi and I got the news about my fertility issues, we were given less than a 10% chance to conceive on our own. Afterwards, Levi and I just broke down and cried. I explained to some what was going on in our life at that point in time. It was so humbling and pure. Those are the friendships we hold tightly.
Levi and I had been in prayer together for several months about adopting and foster care. We had felt that we should become foster parents. We sat up a phone interview and a home interview. After our phone interview, I kept feeling like this wasn’t right, that this wasn’t our time. I sat down to dinner and told Levi what I was feeling and he explained that he felt the same way. We contacted our consultant and explained how we felt. She said that was God telling us this isn’t our time. We decided that we would continue to pray for God to lead us in the direction He wanted us to go. This happened two weeks before we found out we were expecting.
Back to March 19- I decided to listen and I stopped at the dollar general in Sylva and bought 3 pregnancy test (just in case.) I got home and I couldn’t wait until the following day so I took the first one. These were $1 test you have to pee in a cup and drip it on tester. I sat it on the counter dropped a few drops and went to set my timer on my phone when two pink lines showed up. My first thought was “haha that’s wrong, stupid thing was a $1” so I took the other one. Again two pink lines... at this point I started crying and thinking “oh my goodness please don’t be defective.” I had taken so many prior to this point that it was so surreal. I went and got the $3 test and chugged a bunch of water and made myself go to the bathroom. It was also positive. By this point I was ecstatic.
My cousin and sister were on their way to my house, I quickly tried to clean my face up and pull myself together. They walked through the door and instantly my sister says “what’s wrong.” On the inside I’m screaming but I said “nothing,” we sit down at the table and my cousin Ethan looks at me and says “are you pregnant?” I cut my eyes at him and looked at my sister and said “YES!” TEARS. lots and lots of tears. I showed them the test I had just taken and after our freak celebration we jumped in my car to go get some baby items so I could surprise Levi.
Later that evening, I got to tell my best friend that our prayers had been answered and that we were going to be parents. That was the best thing I had ever done. The look on Levi’s face and the tears of pure joy gave me butterflies all over again. Levi and I joke now because I used two baby balloons, said babies instead of baby in my note so it was like I already knew I was carrying two of God perfect creations.
April 1 we had a scare and were told that we were most likely having a miscarriage. My heart goes out to people who this has actually happened to. Your heart literally breaks into a million pieces, driving home and then driving back over Cowee mountain to the doctors office was horrible. We didn’t know what the outcome was going to be. We were praying and crying. How could we love this little pea sized baby so much when we’ve not even met them yet. If you’re not a parent or haven’t been pregnant you don’t understand. The amount of love you have for you children is indescribable. We were taken straight back into the ultrasound room, my heart just ached of the unknown. She found a heartbeat and the whole room let out a breath and tears started flowing again. I did however have a tear on my placenta that had bruised and was now leaking blood. We would have to keep a close eye on this as we went through our pregnancy.
3 weeks later we went for a check up and we were so excited to see our little blueberry and its little heartbeat. Levi and I both had our eyes glued to the screen and we both saw something that looked like two heartbeats…. Levi looked at me with fear almost ha and said “oh it must have been a glitch since we were only looking at one now.” The tech said “did ya’ll not know you were have twins?” I busted out laughing and I think Levi would have fallen out of his chair if it didn’t have arm rest on it. He said “NO we didn’t!” We both just looked at each other and laughed, our little BLUEBERRIES!
My pregnancy did not go as I had planned (more about that in my NICU blog) but for the 23 weeks I loved every second. They were miracles from the start and they have shown God in everything.
There is victory in the mighty name of Jesus.
God has been with us since before I was pregnant. He blessed me with a Godly husband who loves God as much as he loves me. Levi and I both were not where we needed to be in our relationship with Christ and He has shown us that we need to be as close to Him as possible. You will stray at times but God will always call you back to Him. Stand firm in your faith and share that relationship with your spouse. Pray together, and I’m going to be honest it was awkward to pray with Levi for me. I felt uncomfortable because it was pushing me to grow in my relationship with God and my husband. Levi and I try our best to attend Free Chapel’s Marriage Conference every year, last year we heard Craig Groeschel speak along with Jentezen Franklin. Both are amazing pastors but they both spoke on how to love God and love your spouse. Groeschel spoke a lot about praying with your wife/husband. He said when him and his wife started praying together it was like 2 seconds and done but now over the years it has went from 2 seconds to 10+ minutes, that is our goal. Grow in your faith together.
God has blessed us with Godly friendships and family, people who honestly pray for us and our children. I cannot stress enough how important it is to surround yourself with Godly people. Be a light for those who struggle or don’t know Christ. Your life will not be prefect because you are a follower of God, however, I can promise He will be with you every step of the way. Friendships are tough but having people that are apart of your “tribe, crew, family” that genuinely care is true and pure. Hold tightly to that.
God also blessed us with two babies that have taught me so much about life, myself, and relationships. He gave me two strong, fearless, beautiful babies. They have shown more people about Christ in their life than I have in my 27 years. They inspire me to be a better person, wife, mom, but most importantly Christian. They are so loved and we are so thankful.
Just remember that even if things are falling apart around you, God is right there with you. One year ago today, I thought that next 9 months would be perfect, that my life was perfect, and that I had no worries. Little did I know or see that we were fixing to head into a the biggest storm of my life. Jesus. All I ask say is Jesus. He can turn your storms into bigger blessings than you thought possible. Hold your people tight, love your spouse, love your kids, and love your family.
xo
Comments
Post a Comment